Home
by BellaDonnaButterfly
Summary: My first CSI/GSR story since Sara left, please be kind. Kinda sappy but hey its what I do best! Overcame massive writers block and was suddenly inspired. Enjoy.


Home

This was his home or at least it used to be his home. Now he realized that his home had left him and he was living in a twilight world of muted colors and sounds that failed to pierce the loneliness that invaded his life. Sara was gone, no longer able to handle the cruel, horrible things that she saw daily on the job and the ghosts that haunted her elsewhere. He had let her go. As much as he wanted to grab her and plead with her to stay, he would not, for she needed to go to save herself and her well being mattered more to him than his own needs. It had seemed like only yesterday when she came into his life, blowing through like the first sweet winds of spring, awakening his soul. For so many years he had denied himself that which he wanted more than anything, and then he had her and his eyes were open for the very first time it seemed to this place he called home. Yes….life was good and then it was yanked back into the shadows and uncertainty that lurked around this city he called home.

The shadows were always around after she left, it seemed. Even Hank felt it, as he lay beside him on their bed, neither wanting to move or do anything. They lay there together missing her more than anything and unable to share their misery with anyone else but each other. Going to work became an exhausting chore when it was once what defined him. Bringing justice to the victims and following the evidence to right the wrongs was no longer enough. He showed up and stayed as long as possible, going through the routine, but his heart wasn't in it anymore. His heart had left this place called home and it was getting harder and harder to keep up the charade that he was ok and doing fine. Catherine wasn't fooled nor was Brass but they knew him well enough not to push the subject, so they silently supported him, hoping for the best. Catherine had told him to go after her, but he wouldn't, couldn't, do that to her. It was too soon, she needed time, time to sort things out and come out stronger and like the old Sara again.

He looked forward to the calls and emails from her and hoped she was doing better while inside he was becoming more and more dissatisfied with this life without her. The home they had shared was silent and still as he and Hank wandered around it. Then there was trouble at work with Warrick, and he wasn't sure how to handle the situation. Warrick was one of the best CSI's he'd ever worked with but his personal problems were starting to interfere with his work again, and having to be the boss instead of a friend was getting harder and harder. The whole situation with Lou Gedda was trying to say the least. After Warrick was framed for Gedda's murder, the whole team banded together to save their friend and prove that he was innocent. That last breakfast together at the diner will forever be in his memories. They had all laughed and joked together like the family that they were, even though one member was absent, and it pained him to not see her there with them. And then he heard the call and his life as he knew it had changed again, and again it took a turn into more shadows. Warrick was gone, and no matter how hard he pleaded with him to stay, he couldn't stay either. Holding the lifeless body of his friend, Gil Grissom lost another piece of his heart and his team lost a loved member of their little family. Making his way towards his office after stripping off his bloodstained shirt to be analyzed, he saw her standing there waiting for him. Saying nothing he walked into her open arms and held onto her for dear life. She was there for him, for all of them because it was where she needed to be. To help her friends catch the person responsible, to help them anyway she could, to say goodbye to Warrick.

He knew she couldn't stay. He felt it as he held her close, just being in this place for this short amount of time had her on edge and he could sense the tension and fear that she was trying to hide. He still wanted, needed her to stay, but knew she wouldn't, and so he let her go again. Being short one member was hard but now two were gone and he felt the loss keenly. He could feel himself zoning out on conversations and not really paying attention as he used to. Life went on and work went on and so did he until he ended up at Heather's house. He went there for information and answers, not to be analyzed or scrutinized, and he certainly didn't mean to stay there, but he found himself unable to leave. He missed Sara, he missed Warrick, he was slowly turning numb and felt too powerless to stop it.

He regretted the misunderstandings that he and Sara had before she left and the message she had sent him had him worried. She looked happy, healthy even, an image of her old self it seemed. Did she mean that she was happy without him, or that she would be ok even if they weren't together? He didn't think he could stand it if he lost her completely. He looked around his office, his 'home away from home' as it were, and realized that this wasn't home anymore. He knew that the time was right for him to leave CSI, and that his team wouldn't like to see him go but he knew that they could handle things. They were in Catherine's good hands and Nick and Greg and Brass would survive and flourish. It would be hard to say goodbye and leave this place that had been his home for so many years, but it was harder to stay without her, and even though he knew he was gone, he kept expecting to see Warrick come loping into his office. Yes Las Vegas was his home but an old adage once said that 'home is where the heart is', and his heart was with Sara…..it was Sara. And so he found himself pushing through the jungle to her, to finally come home.


End file.
